Parshat Toldot  2 Kislev 5762, 17 November 2001

By Shlomo Riskin

The sibling enmity between Esau and Jacob, Rome and Israel, Gentile and Jew, reverberates throughout Jewish history and until this very day. Our Torah portion of Toldot records the birth and early development of the twin sons born to Isaac and Rebecca - and provides the origins of their deadly rivalry which caused such tragedy to them as well as their descendants. Could it have been prevented?

A penetrating commentary by Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch to the seemingly innocuous verse, "And the boys grew up; and Esau became a man who understood hunting, a man of the fields and Jacob became a whole-hearted man, a dweller in tents" (Genesis 25:27) suggests that it could harm - and at the same time gives critical advice to every parent concerned about bringing up a junior Jacob rather than a junior Esau.

But in order to understand Rav Hirsch's words in depth, let us first take note of an important midrash from last week's Torah portion of Hayyei Sarah. The Torah goes into exquisite detail in describing Abraham's appointment to Eliezer to find a suitable wife for Isaac and in detailing the precise incidents leading up to and following his selection of Rebecca; indeed, we read of Abraham's instructions to his servant, Eliezer's criteria and fulfillment of his task, and then of Eliezer's recounting of the entire procedure from beginning to end to Rebecca's father and brother. (Genesis 24: 1-67, 67 verses!). This elaboration of detail inspires Rashi to cite the midrash: "Rabbi Aha said, "the discussions of the servants of the patriarchs is more important than the actual Torah law of their descendants. After all, the portion dealing with Eliezer is repeated twice in the Torah and many specific laws are only given by allusion (and must be extracted by means of logical deduction)."

I believe that there are two crucial reasons of the proliferation of detail in this particular Biblical account. The first is the general principle that we learn best not from what people say but rather from what they do; the laws we receive from G-d on high (or even that are preached to us from family and teachers) will ultimately have less influence upon our lives than the actual deeds - the values expressed in action - that we have experienced from observing our parents and grand-parents in real life. All of the folio pages of the Tractate Shabbat, which thank G-d I have been privileged to study and teach more than once, have not entered my innermost soul as much as the memories of my grandmother's radiant face - suddenly transformed by the light of the Sabbath candles which had remarkably removed the worry-wrinkles and careworn tension from her eyes and brows - as she embraced me with her heart-felt words, "A gut Shabbes mein kind, a heilige shabbes, mein tayera anikel." (A good Sabbath, my child, a holy Sabbath, my beloved grand-son).

And here the message communicated is indubitably clear: the tremendous importance of choosing the proper wife, the most crucial factor in determining the continuity of our people.

Apparently Abraham comes to realize this great truth especially after Sarah's passing; Abraham's ministry begins when he is 75 years old - and G-d first speaks to him commanding his aliyah to Israel - and lasts for 62 years until the binding of Isaac, which is the last Biblically recorded conversation between the first patriarch and the Almighty. These are the years of Abraham's great accomplishments - and these are also the years of Sarah's life. Abraham lives another thirty-eight years when he still remains vigorous enough to re-marry and have children. But there are no Biblically recorded accomplishments or conversations with the Divine. Sarah, apparently the crucial factor in the partnership which formed the people of Israel, was no longer alive. And the criteria for choosing the right wife - as we see from the details which follow - is hospitality and loving-kindness even towards a stranger, a stranger who was a servant and not a master in his own right, and even towards brute beasts. Moreover, this loving-kindness emanated from a woman of unique strength and independence - a shepherdess amongst shepherds - who consequently proves herself to be not only an enabler but also an initiator in the drama surrounding the succession to the Abrahamic leadership.

The second message of the detailed exposition is to demonstrate that Eliezer is much more than a mere agent, carrying out directions in a robot-like manner. Eliezer is an individual of rare and exquisite ingenuity, intelligence and sensitivity - and all come to play in the successful accomplishment of his mission. Indeed, the Torah and Midrash are critical of giving important tasks over to "messengers"; the effective individual, and especially the successful parent-teacher, does the job himself - thereby transmitting the important lesson by example and not merely by instruction! Hence, when the torah describes Abraham's hospitality towards strangers, we learn that not only did the patriarch leave the Divine Presence to tend to the wayfarers but that he himself "ran to the livestock" to choose and prepare the meat and that "he himself waited upon them" (Genesis18:1,2,7,8). But when Abraham relied on an agent - "let there be brought now a little water so that you may wash your feet" (Genesis 18:4) - the Sages chastise him: "he relied on an agent, so the Holy one blessed be He repaid his descendants with an agent," by having Moses extract water from the rock instead of G-d Himself providing the water just as he provided the manna; and from this agency - Moses struck the rock instead of speaking to it - there came tragedy to Moses as well as to Israel (Rashi ad loc).

It is on this basis that Rav Isaac Bernstein zt"l , the great Torah teacher of London, would interpret the passage in the Shema: "And you shall teach Torah diligently to your children." How can you be a successful parent-teacher? You must "speak with them" by teaching them yourself, and not watching T.V. while telling them to study! "When you sit at your home" - they must see you learning Torah and being involved with commandments during your time at home; "When you go on the road" - they must be aware that your vacation choices are places of Torah; "when you go to sleep and when you wake up" - they must see you fall asleep over a "sefer" and waking up to an early minyan.

Now we return to Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch. "And the boys grew up" - they seemed to have been allowed to reach maturity with almost no parental supervision or input. "No attention was paid to the slumbering differences in their natures; both given exactly the same teaching and educational treatment; the great law of education 'bring up each child in accord with his/her own way' was forgotten" (Hirsch, Biblical Commentary on Genesis, 25:27). Parents dare not trust to agents or osmosis of environment to be the agents in educating their children. We must actively teach them ourselves - and by personal example more than mere verbal instruction.

Shabbat Shalom.

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