Parshat Bo   10 Tevet 5761, 3 February 2001

By Shlomo Riskin

Efrat, Israel - Who is to be considered a wicked child - and how are we, the parents of the community, to relate to him/her?

A major Biblical commentary, the author of the Passover Haggadah (to be more precise, the Midrash Mechilta) provides a fascinating response to our questions. Our Biblical portion reads:

"When you come to the land that G-d will give you as He promised, you must also observe this service. And when your children will say to you, What is this service to you' You shall say It is the Passover service to G-d." He passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt when He plagued the Egyptians (by killing their first-born). He saved our homes'". (Exodus 12:25-27)

The Author of the Haggadah, in the fascinating aspect of the Passover seder highlighting the four children, calls the questioner in this sequence "the wicked child." Why? What is there in his question which would make us think that he is wicked? The first reason, which the Haggadah itself emphasizes, lies in the questioner's exclusion of himself from the family ritual: "What is this service to you." And so the Haggadah explains: Saying you, he excludes himself and because he excludes himself from the group, he denies a basic principle of our faith." From this perspective, wickedness as a Jew happens when one excludes oneself from the Jewish ritual-familial experiences.

There are other more subtle give-aways that tell us the wicked nature of this questioner. The Torah often prefaces a question with a phrase like "when your child will ask you tomorrow saying." In this instance, the child doesn't ask his parents, he tells his parents: " And it shall come to pass when your children shall say unto you"( Exodus 12:26). An honest question reveals a willingness to learn, but a statement implies a certain superiority, as is the wicked child, who sees himself above the tradition, is not really interested in answers - only statements.

To add another discordant note to the rebellious music behind the words of this child, the Biblical response is v'amartem (verse 27), you shall say it'", without the expected continuation "to him," a pronoun which would identify who it is that is being addressed. The answer thereby becomes a general, open-ended statement - giving the impression that the questioner asked and ran, was interested in telling what he thought but not in hearing what the parent had to say. From all of this we could logically conclude that a wicked child excludes himself from family traditions and traditional explanations - its not that he disagrees, he simply isn't interested.

What might be our response to such a child? It is fascinating that the Bible itself gives one response, - "It is the Passover service to G-d. He passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt (when he slew the Egyptian first-born) and He saved our homes" (Exodus 12:26, 27), - and the author of the Haggadah gives another - "you cause his teeth to be on edge, and say to him Because of this has G-d done for me when I went out of Egypt" (Exodus 13:8). Why the difference, and what is the specific message of each? After all, it is critical that we know how to at least try to respond to this most difficult child!

Let us begin with the Biblical response.

The Netziv (Rav Naftali Tzvi Yehuda Berlin 1817-1893) teaches that the wicked child's statement reflects his belief that the Passover service is an anachronism, has no significance or relevance now that we've left Egypt behind generations ago. After all, he argues, perhaps in Egypt there was a need for the paschal lamb in that it reflected the reality of the blood of the Jewish sacrifice being placed on the door-posts as a sign to save the Jewish first-borns. But now that we've arrived, sitting here at a Seder so many hundreds (if not thousands) of years after the original events, is there any rational reason for retaining such an old-fashioned and outmoded service.'? The Biblical answer in our Torah reading is that it is a Passover sacrifice to G-d who saved our homes - and families.

We must remember that there are two central pillars in Judaism: family ties and togetherness as well as Divine laws and directions. The covenant with Abraham emphasized our family - nation - homeland while the covenant at Sinai emphasized our G-d - laws - service. On Passover we achieved our national freedom, and the Jewish nation was developed from the matrix of the first Jewish family. A family as well as a nation have shared experiences which are repeated over tables of celebration which are passed down from generation to generation, in order to weld the individuals together, provide fundamental continuity between past and future. The family has been an important Jewish value from the very beginning of our history, when Abraham is told that he is distinguished and loved by G-d "so that he command his children and his family after himthat they do righteousness and justice". (Genesis 18:19) And when Pharaoh's servants agree to allow Moses to leave Egypt - but only with the males - Moses and Aaron respond, "We shall go with our young and with our old, with our sons and with our daughters."(Exodus 10:9) It's a family affair.

Hence, the Bible tells this wicked child that the Passover sacrifice is a reminder of a critical occurrence at a crossroads of Jewish history, a Divine miracle which preserved the Jewish family. It is precisely the kind of family ritual which is crucial for familial continuity.

The author of the Haggadah goes one step further. He cites another verse:

"And it will be when the Lord brings you to the land. which He swore to your fathers to give to you You shall do this service on that month And you shall tell your child on that day saying, Because of this has G-d done for me when I went out of Egypt'" (Exodus 13:5,8).

The key words here are "done for me." The continuity of the generations requires the ability to transform past history into one's own existential and personal memory. The initial Biblical answer emphasizes the importance of familial experiences for familial continuity; the author of the Haggadah adds that without incorporating past into present there can be neither meaningful present nor anticipated future! I am my past.

The author of the Haggadah has yet another message. Despite the fact that the wicked child has denied his roots (Kafar b'ikkar), we dare not tear him out of the family. He may want to remove himself from historical continuity, but it's the family's job to bring him back, to welcome him into the Seder celebration.

The Haggadah instructs us to set the teeth of the wicked child on edge. The phrase in Hebrew is hakhai et shinav. It doesn't say hikah which means to strike, to slap him in the teeth, but rather hakaih, (heh, kuf, heh, heh) from the language of the prophet Ezekiel, "The fathers eat the sour grapes, and the children's teeth are set on edge." (Exodus 18:2) The prophet is here expressing the fundamental unfairness in the fact that the parents have sinned, but their children must suffer the pain of exile. Indeed, children do suffer for the sins of their parents - always. Anyone who comes from a difficult or dysfunctional home will bear the burden.

There is a new yuppie term, dinky - double income no kids yet. But there is something else which is just as bad: dimka, double income many kids already but nobody to take care of them except a professional caregiver. Children need nurture, children deserve parental time and concern.

The author of the Haggadah is therefore reminding each parent that just as the child has responsibility to his past, the present has responsibility to the future. Are we certain that the wicked child's teeth are not set on edge because of the sour grapes we, the parents, have eaten?

Have we lovingly demonstrated the beauty and the glories of our traditions, have we been there to hear his questions when he was still ready to ask them and to listen to answers, have we been the appropriate models for him to desire continuity within our family? The Author of the Haggadah subtlety but forthrightly reminds both parents and children of their obligations to each other, to past and to future.

Shabbat Shalom.

Return to Ohr Torah Stone