My
mother passed away two months ago, and my son will be-ezrat hashem be
bar-mitzvah in four months time. What sort of bar-mitzvah celebration should
I organize?
Answer: Since no mourning customs are practiced in public on Shabbat, anything
that is done on Shabbat in honor of the bar-mitzvah is permissible, including a
Kiddush, festive meals, and even singing and dancing as part of the Shabbat meals.
If you know that it is important for your son that there be a party with
music and dancing, and you would have organized such an event were it not for your
mourning, it is important that the party be held as planned. This is in order that
your son will not feel deprived and so that he will not have mixed feelings towards his
late grandmother and her memory.
Therefore it is possible to celebrate with music and dancing, but during
the music and
